Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
