I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
