how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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