I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
