I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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