We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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