You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
