I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Two words: blizzard sex
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
