You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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