I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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