she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
