Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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