so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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