If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
