So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize