everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You took a bar mat shot.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
