you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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