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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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