So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Too much gin, very little bucket
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
