the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
