whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
