From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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