That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
