i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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