i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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