I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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