hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
