can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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