I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
