She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just sent this text using only my big toe
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Im part way to drunk.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
