Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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