Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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