I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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