they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
