I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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