you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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