Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
