I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
