Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
