I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I have post one night stand depression
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