I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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