apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
