You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
did you just send me my own nude
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
