So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
