Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
