you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
is that a dick in a sweater?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
