I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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