The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he fucked my hip out of place.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
