either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
