I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
