you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You are the jesus of drinking
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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