Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
