trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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