If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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