if i can run in heels then i can drive
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
