MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
