I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
