I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
