U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Randomize
