hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize