I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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