1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I love black thongs
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
