and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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