I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
