You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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