my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
