Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
