wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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