Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
It was confusing and full of hummus
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize