This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
