were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You need a sexual gate keeper
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
